There is hope after loss: my story
I am a loss mom and a mom to earthside babies. I’m also a birth and bereavement doula. This is my story.
My husband and I found out in late November of 2020 that I was pregnant. But the joy we felt at that time was short-lived. We discovered a few weeks later, three days before Christmas, that our baby was no longer alive.
That was, and still is, one of the hardest realizations I have ever had to come to. The reality of carrying death within my body.
It took three more weeks for me to deliver the baby. I labored at home for several hours, but, after I passed out on the bathroom floor, my husband had to take me to the emergency room. I gave birth to our baby, our little Peanut, there, in an emergency triage room.
In the weeks between our diagnosed missed miscarriage, and the birth of our baby, I did a ton of searching.
I was already a doula, and I wanted to know all the evidence and all the options that I had for when I finally did give birth.
But there isn’t much information out there. In the 4 years since our miscarriage, I have discovered more information, and became a bereavement doula. But I’ve learned there still isn’t a lot of accessible information for people going through pregnancy loss or pregnancy after loss.
I love all of my babies equally. Some of them, I love by grieving them. Some of them, I love by parenting them.
Thus, The Pregnancy After Loss Doula was born. My goal was (and is) to provide as much information to moms who are pregnant after loss as I possibly can. And, maybe, along the way, offer some of them support and encouragement. PALD has grown into something bigger than I ever imagined, and it is still growing!
In June of 2022, after almost a year and a half of struggling with infertility, and two more “chemical” pregnancies, I learned that I was pregnant again.
I had all the head-knowledge of what to do. I knew it would be hard. But I never expected the level to which I would struggle. Pregnancy after loss is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, outside of losing our first baby. But, we got to meet our sweet rainbow baby in February of 2023. And two and a half years later, I’m now snuggling a sweet baby girl while I watch my toddler play.
Our sweet baby girl was born in 2025 at home with the support of midwives and a doula. Five years after Losing “peanut.”
So, now I’ve been through two pregnancies after loss. I get the anxiety. I get the fear. But I also know that grief and joy go hand-in-hand. That there is hope after loss.
I know that the love we have for our babies is stronger than the fear of losing them. And I know that time softens grief, but it will never erase it.
I love all of my babies equally. Some of them, I love by grieving them. Some of them, I love by parenting them. While my love and joy over each of my children may change and evolve with time, I’m learning that it will never go away. After all, I will always be their mother. That fact will never change.
To those still in the trenches, I want you to know you’re not alone. There are so many amazing women who are going through, or who have been through, what you’re experiencing now.
There is hope.
There is support.
You are loved.
Sarah Lingle is a birth and bereavement doula and the host of The Pregnancy After Loss Podcast. As both a loss mom and a mom to earthside babies, she understands the unique challenges and emotions that come with pregnancy after loss. Through her work, she offers compassionate support, encouragement, and resources to families navigating this tender season. You can connect with Sarah on Instagram or Facebook if you’d like a listening ear or encouragement along the journey.
