My brother reached for my mother’s hand and then they walked up the driveway and then he let go of her hand. And she wrote in the story, “sometimes your children will hold your hand for perhaps the last time and you have to have enough common sense and grace to let them let go and then use that hand to wave them on.” That little quote of hers is such a gift for grievers too because we do also need that courage and grace to let go and wave them on. It's so hard. It's the hardest thing.

So, now I’ve been through two pregnancies after loss. I get the anxiety. I get the fear. But I also know that grief and joy go hand-in-hand. That there is hope after loss. I know that the love we have for our babies is stronger than the fear of losing them. And I know that time softens grief, but it will never erase it. 

Shane’s death, at home surrounded by his family with his favorite music playing in the background, energized Sheila to bring change to the way that death is approached in our culture. She saw how sacred the process of dying is, that those who are dying and the people close to them deserve the space to honor death in ways that are meaningful to them. After doing some research about how she could help to contribute to a more holistic view of death, she decided to become a death doula.

Doula care is often associated with low intervention, medication free, home births, and it’s true that parents who seek doula support are often those looking for a more “natural” birth. However, mothers who plan to give birth by cesarean section (c-section), whether for personal preference or medical necessity, can also greatly benefit from doula support before, during, and after birth. Here are some reasons why doula care can be highly valuable for c-section births.

A death doula walks the space between living and dying – and that space can be vast. It’s a myth that death doulas only offer their support during the eleventh hour of life. It’s a fact that death doulas fluidly move wherever they are called, serving at the threshold of life and death along its many stops before the final moment of dying.

Unfortunately many people, both in medical professions and in the general public, view doula care for pregnant, birthing, and postpartum parents as an expensive luxury. But would people view doula care differently if they knew that the presence of a doula before, during, and after birth can act as preventative care against physical and mental health complications related togiving birth?

I am here to tell you my origin story: how I chose to become a death doula, and just how much it means to me. My journey to becoming a death doula began in 2017, with the death of my grandfather, whom I called Papa.

The statistics for black and brown birthing people are terrible. In Tennessee black people are 69% more likely to die than white people. It’s heartbreaking and maddening and dire. I asked Kaila, “Why? What can we do?”

To me, death is a part of life that we cannot avoid. But what happens at the time of death and afterwards, has always been an unknown.

Support from death doulas during the time of death addresses various aspects of the dying process: emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual.

When Taja Iglesias, a young BIPOC girl with a Spanish last name, gave birth in southern Florida over a decade ago, she had no idea that her experience would inspire her to create a doula agency that would support families in the U.S. and beyond.

I experienced a very traumatic birth with my first child that caused physical injuries to both of us, as well as postpartum depression and the inability to breastfeed. My family doctor, who had been at my first birth and knew what I wanted to avoid, suggested a doula.

When his grandfather passed away, Marquis Allen flew in from out of town to pay his respects and be with his family during a delicate and sad time. After some reflection and research, Marquis learned about the existence of death doulas, trained professionals who assist families in taking care of the end of life planning.

Doulas support all kinds of people and all kinds of births, without judgement. If every mother felt heard and supported in her birth, just imagine the potential impact on maternal physical and mental health worldwide.

What is an End-of-Life Doula and how do they support families? Sheila Burke, death doula, author, and Global Doula Project grant recipient, explains.

Before my first baby was born I remember being home on maternity leave and feeling a bit lost, like I didn’t have a purpose…