Why traditional prenatal care might not be enough after perinatal loss

I’ll never forget the first prenatal appointment after my loss. Sitting in that waiting room, I felt like everyone else around me was glowing with excitement, while I was fighting back tears.

Sarah lingle, the pregnancy after loss doula

My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, and all I could think was, What if it happens again?

When I finally got called back, the nurse checked my blood pressure, the doctor measured my belly, and I heard the reassuring words: “Everything looks good.” But when I left, I still felt unsettled. Nothing had gone wrong at the appointment, but something felt missing.

That’s when I realized: traditional prenatal care is wonderful, but it isn’t always enough in pregnancy after loss.

Here’s why:

Typical prenatal visits focus on numbers, charts, and baby’s growth. And of course, those things are important. But when you’ve experienced loss, your pregnancy isn’t just about your body anymore. It’s about the waves of anxiety before every ultrasound. The guilt that sneaks in when you let yourself feel joy. The hesitation to prepare for birth because of all the “what ifs.”

Traditional care often doesn’t have space for that. The appointments are short. The questions are clinical. And while providers care deeply, they aren’t always equipped to sit with the grief, the fear, and the complicated mix of emotions that come with pregnancy after loss.

What would it look like if prenatal care was different?

Maybe it would sound like someone saying, “Take a breath—you’re safe here.” Maybe it would mean leaving room for tears as well as laughter. Maybe it would mean recognizing that honoring your baby in Heaven is just as important as preparing for the one you carry now.

student midwife, doula, loss mom, and global doula project grant recipient taja iglesias of the momager co completes prenatal visits at her client’s homes.

Because pregnancy after loss isn’t only about growing a baby—it’s about holding grief and hope in the same hands.

This is where doulas often come in.

A doula can’t replace your medical provider, but they can offer the “extra” that traditional care sometimes misses—emotional support at appointments, encouragement when fears feel overwhelming, practical tools for birth preparation, and simply being a steady, grounding presence who understands your story.

For many parents, having a doula means no longer feeling like they have to carry both grief and hope alone.

If you’ve ever walked out of a prenatal appointment feeling unseen, I want you to know something: you’re not alone. You’re not “too much,” and you’re not wrong for wanting more than blood pressure checks and growth charts. You deserve care that sees your whole story.

And if you’re curious about what that kind of support could look like, doulas are a wonderful place to start. And if you ever just need a safe space to talk through your experience, my Instagram DMs (@paldoula) are always open.

Take a breath, friend. You’ve got this. And you don’t have to walk this path on your own.