We are alive until our final breath - how death doula Susan supports the dying and their loved ones

I became a Doula when it really hit me that we do not "do" death well in this country.

I have been privileged to sit with love and grace during the last days of someone's life, and was denied that same experience during the Pandemic with my Dad. I much prefer the former and want everyone to have that choice.

People often treat a terminally ill person like they are dying instead of still living every day, so I try to help them change that dynamic.

I try to normalize the conversations around death, help everyone to put their toes in the water at their own pace and hold space for these conversations. Sometimes it's making someone a cup of tea/coffee/scotch and letting them talk about what they are afraid of during the process, be it the patient or the loved one. Sometimes I just bring calm into a highly emotional space, and try to bring the energy down by my presence (or some humor when that seems appropriate.)

Susan stout supports families in connecticut and also offers virtual end of life doula services worldwide.

As you know, everyone has different needs during this time, so I try to listen and figure out what is helpful in a particular moment, knowing that might change 2 minutes later. I deeply believe that there is so much that can be done, to help the dying have some peace at the end, and sometimes it can be just stating the obvious- that someone is dying but they are alive until their final breath; be present with them; say all the things you want to say before it's too late; help them clear up their worries about what they are leaving behind. That it is better to start these conversations as soon as possible, so not to add more stress at the end.

I believe that helping people put their lives in order (whatever that means to anyone) can help them find some peace at the end, so they can do the hard work of Acceptance without worrying about who will take the dog or can anyone find the will. I have so much curiosity about humans who are different than me, and I love to listen to the stories.

And to be bathed in love, whether it is by a roomful of people or one soul holding a hand, is everyone's deserved right in this world. I very much hope that I get that myself when it is my time.